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Ferox Deleted Scenes |
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7/31/00 Here Digital Ferox examines some of the cinema's most notable deleted scenes. |
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The Other Sister
The original ending to Gary Marshall’s heart-boiling retard romance might never be seen. The now legendary missing sequence jumps forward in time and shows the drooling couple happily married, raising a brood of ghoulish morons. While obviously controversial, Dr. John Frank, the film’s retard advisor, defends this ending: “Two retards fuck...what do you think their kids will look like, good? I even lobbied the filmmakers to make some of the kids look like inanimate pumpkins. Please notify the Nobel committee.”
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The Last Starfighter Some of the most ambitious scenes in this technologically-pioneering space carnival were edited out and destroyed due to a vindictive editor. Though lost forever, rumors abound that one of the scenes involved a computer-generated C-3PO crashing a Light Cycle into the USS Reliant. “Untrue,” insists Starfighter director, Nick Castle. “A scene like that would have made the movie awesome. And believe me, nothing we ever shot or rendered [inside a computer] could have saved that ponderous hunk of shit.”
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Mother’s Day A masterwork of the backwoods horror sub-genre, Mother’s Day follows two psychopathic mama’s boys as they run through the woods and rape and murder a female camper. The scene where they kill her is really strange and scary. The victim’s girlfriends ultimately avenge her death and suffocate the mother with a pair of inflatable breasts. One of the psychos is forced to drink Liquid Drano and gets hit in the head with a TV; the other guy gets hit in the balls with the sharp end of a hammer. Four stars.
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Commando Schwarzenegger's answer to Rambo originally opened with the eight-time Mr. Olympia wrestling a baby deer to the death. The scene was shot but never fully included in the film, though a few seconds of it can be seen during the opening credits, as Col. John Matrix (Ret.) and his daughter, Samantha Micelli, feed a small deer. In the full-length scene, however, it is revealed that Matrix is feeding the deer a potent mixture of PCP and Rhinoceros poison, thus giving himself the upper hand in the impending fight. Recalls Swarzenegger, “Buy my bodybuilding encyclopedia. It includes many pictures of me and my training partner, Dr. Franco Colombo. Learn how to do the ‘Arnold Press’ with perfect form and sculpt your delts and traps to fantastic symmetrical perfection. Was Bennett supposed to be gay?”
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